Sunday, February 10, 2013

A story of a Fearful Dog



When getting a new dog or a puppy, we humans get so overjoyed and excited that we only consider what we see from the outside. How it looks, its color or even its stance. When the dog shakes or surrenders, we attribute the shaking and droopiness to his immediate response to a new environment or human being. We shrug it off and expect that they would just sleep it off. That may be the usual case, but remember that not dogs are the same even if they came from one pack. Some dogs are just so fearful.

Shy dogs are quite different from fearful dogs in my case. For me, I consider all dogs to be generally shy though in varying degrees. Shyness is attributed to interactions. If a dog acts normal in a new environment and hides behind you or hesitates when a stranger comes near, I think he’s just shy. Chivas for instance, my Pomeranian, is shy (snooty) with strangers. If a stranger comes near, he observes and he hesitates. He usually looks for someone he knows for support sometimes he just barks away. But a fearful dog is a bit different. A fearful dog I believe has a worse case. They’re scared of almost everything, a sound, a step, an object or anything new. It’s not only concentrated on humans or strangers. It’s almost with everything they see, hear or smell.

Bruce, my huge Bullmastiff, started off as a very fearful dog, he wouldn’t get out of his cage when I was there to pick him up. He kept his head down and avoided almost anything he might bump into. He walked like a hunch back. He didn’t even try to make eye contact. What he wanted was to find a spot to hide and be left alone. He was shaking. His eyes spelled fear. At home, he wouldn’t leave this particular spot in our kitchen. He kept his head beneath the washing machine for a week. He didn’t like to interact with people no matter how we try to comfort him. Any unfamiliar sound or a door creaking, he would panic and look for a place to hide. I saw him once put a gallant effort in putting his entire body beneath the washing machine. He wouldn’t interact with the rest of the dogs or with any of us. His face would be miserable and he would shake constantly. He wouldn’t leave that space for the entire week and it wasn’t like that with the rest of our dogs. Chivas was shy at first, but at lest he was responsive. Bruce was more of a dog-psychology case.

We tried our best to make him walk around, but he wouldn’t. We pulled him gently in a leash, but he would sit and try to hide his head somewhere. We instead carried him outside to explore, but he ended up just looking for a corner and sit there and eventually bury his head between his front legs. Mitch came by one Saturday and tried to urge him to get out. We tried to entice him with cheese, bone and food, but he wouldn’t move. We did an experiment though, a sort of cruel one for his sake.

It was already lunch time. There was not much improvement from the previous week. He was still hunched and curled up in one corner not making any sound or eye contact. No one would actually know he was there. I had to do something. I’m getting worried. I’ve never had this case before. This was not a shy dog. Any movement, any sound, he would react and shake. So we tried something drastic, we got his dish full of dog food and kept it with us a good few distance away from him. We wanted him to stand up and get his food, to leave his place. It took a while. Eventually he became so hungry. His head went up looking at us. He was trying to weigh things out. Should I move? Should I stay? Then he started to move his feet. He was about to stand when he heard the voice of my brother asking for his cell phone, he immediately sat down and went back on his fetal position. We were back to square one, but we still waited. After a couple of minutes, he began to move his legs and tried to stand up. He was assessing if he would take that first step. His stomach must have been growling. Eventually he did. It was a painful first step. His head was so low it would touch the ground and his movements were so calculated. Mitch and I saved our reactions until he reached the bowl. He assessed again if he would eat in front of us. He must be so hungry cause he did. Mitch and I didn’t move a muscle. We smiled, it was such a huge progress. Then I wasn’t able to fight the urge to go nearer, when I did, he panicked and went back to his old spot. But still I was happy. It took days for him to leave his spot and go from point A to point B, then slowly he started interacting with dogs and he got familiar with us. He must have figured that nothing in the house would hurt him. Point A and B expanded to Point C, D and E. Then he became calm when we petted him. One day he wasn’t shaking anymore. He even wagged his tail and followed us. Soon he was all over the place in our house. Occasional new sounds or sights would still put him on guard, but it wasn’t that bad as before. He learned how to explore the grounds on his own and face his fears for him to operate normally.  When we bought him to his first year of school in Makati, he relied heavily on Harvey for confidence. When we took Harvey out, he immediately lost it and began hiding behind my back. He was again afraid of sounds, new sights and scents. The trainer ruled him as a fearful dog and made extra efforts to give him yummier treats to cooperate. Eventually he did. It entailed more work, but he did. He went to private training instead of with a group because it’s an area he has to develop, group exercises won’t necessarily work immediately with fearful dogs. But he did cooperate. He learned to trust us eventually and worked with the trainer. It was a successful run.

I can say Bruce is still fearful in some things, but slowly he’s trying to learn how to manage it. He would observe and avoid, but he wouldn’t necessarily run to find a hiding spot. He’s not stuck and lost like before, but it does take time and effort…a lot of both. If he sees new dogs, he stops and occasionally hides behind my back, but he would observe and look up to me. I would utter supportive words and urge him to move along and he does. Fearful dogs like Bruce take time to adjust and usually needs someone to remind them to be confident. Half of the work really comes from the owners. Some dogs can sleep on their new environment overnight while some dogs like Bruce need a drastic method to get moving. They need lots of support and time.

Fearful dogs like Bruce are a lot of work. Sometimes there is no distinct past that contributed to that factor and some dogs are just like that. But that work really pays off when you see your dog improve and find comfort albeit in a slow paced way. That’s fine for me, they have all the time and the world and all the love they can receive to keep on trying. Bruce was a first of almost everything I thought I knew in raising a dog. He taught me a lot of things that eventually made me better.

Fearful dogs teach us to be patient and forgiving. We never rush these dogs to do anything. Everything comes in due time. We might need to do that extra push and do something drastic, but sometimes they need that. Fearful dogs remind owners of their responsibility. Not all dogs are the same, dogs still need nurturing and as owners we have to give it to them. They teach us that dogs are still the different. They teach us to be patient and be supportive. They teach us to observe and understand their needs more. They teach us to nurture and be more caring.

Bruce is better, a lot better. He can walk around the house on his own. He can deal with new sounds now and he doesn’t react badly if I introduce him to strangers. I’ve walked him in the park with ease. He sometimes takes walks outside our house. We’ve taken him to High Street and he initiates play with the other dogs. Amongst the three, he is still the more fearful one if I would have to use the term. Harvey doesn’t know the concept of shy or fear. He’s not shy with strangers and he doesn’t fear new sounds, new movements and bigger dogs. In fact, he has a small-dog mentality. I am the one who fears for his safety. Chivas is the snooty-shy type. He’s not fearful but shy with strangers, but he does things his own things anyway. Actually he’s not shy. He’s judgmental. While Bruce is the most charming one, everyday is still a working progress. I think I have elevated him from being a fearful dog to a shy dog. With constant love, care and support any fearful dog could improve. Bruce taught me a lot of things. He taught me never to give up and be more patient. He taught me to be open-minded and be more caring. He’s not perfect, he still has fearful moments from time to time, but with us around, he knows he’ll be okay. Just like any person discovering himself, dogs are like that too, you would be surprised. 


Saturday, February 9, 2013

2013 Goals: Pack Photo Shoot

OMG! Excited Much!


It's 6:01 AM on a Sunday morning and I was already awake by 5:10 AM. This ain't normal that's for sure. Thanks to that very very bad dream for this early wake up call. The dream was a failed attempt to bake cupcakes, which resulted to a massive explosion with walls eating up the waste. While digesting the catastrophe, I realized I was smeared with frosting that tasted like blood and the walls slowly closing in on me. Then I woke up. Well, the dream taught me that before I sleep to NEVER eat cupcakes after watching a horror movie. It also reminded me that I have no career whatsoever in baking. And I can totally live with that. 

But aside from that very bad dream, I think I can't sleep cause of excitement! Nothing really grand. It's actually shallow. But still, after this, I would get to tick off one of my listed 2013 Goals!

DOG PHOTO SHOOT!!!

Yeah. I know it's super shallow. But I need  to get good photos for my dogs. It's so long overdue! I had been planning one session when Harvey was still our only-dog. Due to schedules and failed prioritization, it didn't push through. Then Chivas came along so the desire for a photo shoot was there again, then Bruce came into our lives! Now I won't let this pass. I included it in my early 2013 goals.

And I know the perfect person to do this. Mitch, who else? Mitch, a self-taught photographer, is a part of these dogs lives. He knows their history and he is a dog lover himself. I still remember one random afternoon when he did a photo shoot with Harvey a couple of years ago. They clicked. It came out beautifully and I want a repeat now that they're complete.

I've tried amateur attempts using my phone and IPad, but nothing beats getting it done with good equipment and much more creative vision. For the life of me, I have no concept whatsoever of angling, lighting and a good shot. 

But finally it's going to happen today! Yahoo! Here's to my overdue portraits! I just hope the sun's out and the dogs are in the mood!







My morning send-off Committee

Every morning before I go to work I say goodbye to my dogs.

And it breaks my heart every time.

I wish I could just stay at home and be with them. I wish I'm so filthy rich to not think about work. Have businesses make money for me. I wish for so many different, shallow and unrealistic things. Treating them like kids, I always tell them (as if they'd understand) that I have to work FOR them. Their food and needs are quiet expensive. Just thinking about it makes me drive my ass to work.

But it does break my heart every morning especially if they walk with me to the car or to the gate. They form my morning send-off committee. They always watch over and see me off. Bruce is the more affectionate one. Always circling and nudging my head while walking to the car or gate. But when I get near the gate or car, he stops from a distance and watches with a sad and curious face. Harvey may not be affectionate one, but ever since he escorts me to the last step. That last space before I open the gate, he's there. He's always right below the driver's door waiting for me to close it. Buddy is a steady and mature dog. He just sees me off while Chivas sometimes barks at me cause I think I might have looked more presentable than usual.

My send off committee every morning leaves a bitter sweet taste in my mouth.


Sleepers

Sleepers - (slang) a juvenile delinquent sentenced to serve more than 9 months or a spy/agent who remains undercover and passing through town. 

I still don't get it why they used the term Sleeper, but I really don't care. I loved the book.

I picked this up in one of my more random bookstore visits. As far as I can remember I really had no specific reasons why I bought it. I didn't even realize that it was the exact book the 1996 film Sleepers was based on. Well, it was a vague memory. I remember back in high school, during the Brad Pitt matinee idol era, my best friend was raving about the film. I didn't get to watch it though and I still haven't watched it. It's kind of weird actually. Usually expose myself to really good films, but I think there were misses here and there. This is one of them cause I figured the movie was pretty awesome with Robert De Niro, Dustin Hoffman and of course Brad Pitt. But the book was awesome.

There was no particular reason why I bought this book. All I know is that it was a random pick and I was hooked immediately on the premise. 4 boys in Hell's Kitchen find themselves convicted and sentenced to juvenile imprisonment, which changed their lives forever. Sleepers written by Lorenzo Carcaterra was a book about friendship, retribution and tragedy. Though in this case, I'm more interested on the tragic parts. What went on in the juvenile facility that was so bad interested me more. I figured that was the core of the story.

While reading the book, it transports you from the good times. The foundation of the neighborhood and the boy's friendship were greatly given weight. They've always been protected amidst the imperfections, but as a reader there were some anxiety attacks knowing that something would eventually slip. Then the break did occur and the juvenile imprisonment happens.

The juvenile facility experience was just so scary. I couldn't imagine a place like that existed or people even had the conscience to do disgusting things to kids. There were difficult times reading abuses being done on the characters the book built up so well. At first I wanted to know the more tragic parts, but actually reading through it just made me want to get to the revenge part fast.



The book, more than the successfully narrated harrowing parts, was successful in building up the lives of these four boys each with a definitive character who suffered and got justice the only way they knew how. There weren't saints definitely but they deserved imprisonment but not the abuse. It was a novel to narrate imperfect systems, dangerous neighborhood, dysfunctional households and tragic experiences, but it was also a story of hope, strong friendship, value of life and innocence.

This is not exactly a light novel. Some parts are quite difficult to digest, but no one should miss this. There's really a profound reason why it was a best seller in the first place. It's not a book with a light material. This demands a toughened heart.

I haven't watched the movie, and I don't think I would want to watch it ever. The book is more than enough for me. 

2013 Goal: Road trip with the Pack

One of my goals this year is to bring my pack for a road trip and the quickest destination from my house is Tagaytay. At the start I knew it's either going to be a bad idea or an insanely good one. 3 rowdy dogs in a car will definitely keep our hands full and tempers rising. Luckily my sister, my brother and aunt had faith in this whole thing. My boyfriend did too, forced or willing, I'm not so sure. :)

My sister and boyfriend were in charge of navigation and driving. While the three of us at the back seat managed the dogs. Harvey was obviously the unruly one. He kept squeezing himself at the driver's area.  Chivas as expected was so pliant and well behaved, I am proud of him. But we did have problems with Bruce. Well for one, he's KJ when it comes to travel. He didn't want to get inside the car. And when he was already in the car he would would whine, cry and walk around. Harvey and Chivas would just look at him, curious. I tried different ways to comfort him. I gave him cheese, gave him a huge bone and got him his blanket, but nothing seemed to work. We drove around the village just to get him used to it, but we ended up bringing him home. I wanted to be with him and I wanted him to experience road trips, but it's obvious that he was uncomfortable and tortured. In the end, I wanted his safety and sanity. When he stepped out of the car, it was remarkable how relaxed he became. He was running around so excited to see the ground and saw us off. My heart broke, but I'm all for what he wants.








So the original pack was decreased to Harvey and Chivas. 2 small and manageable dogs who can handle long road trips well. We passed by Sta. Rosa Paseo Center first to check out some shoes before we continued to Tagaytay proper.

In Tagaytay, it was breezy, but not to the point that we'd shiver, which was a bit disappointing. And the most upsetting part of it all, most of the restaurants, even the outdoor ones do not allow pets. We were stunned and disappointed. In all the restaurants that we checked, we were requested to leave the dogs behind. No way. Hunger, frustration and anger started to mix. It was 9 pm when we decided to head back home and go to Nuvali, an ever reliable Ayala commercial center, to have dinner. Ayala premium properties have always been pet friendly. We had no problems there.

We got back to Paranaque just before midnight. Tired souls but fulfilled and content. Although we didn't get to do all the things we wanted, it was still fun. It wasn't perfect. Bruce wasn't there, the restaurants were pathetic, the weather wasn't all that cold, but the trip was an experience and it was worth it. There were things that I could do better next time, but for now this is enough and I'm happy!

One of the goals for this year is to have a road trip with the dogs. DONE!


Saturday, February 2, 2013

My House Desk

Okay. I'm not techie nor tech savvy. I am your typical average IT consumer and I mean average in every sense. I don't do downloads. I only bought a laptop because my old one was just too old and unbecoming of my age. I have an old IPOD and IPAD I won from a lottery. And since my old Android phone died a painful death, I got a smashing supposedly durable new phone, which I still have yet to tinker on. I don't think that day would really come. I am and will be an average IT consumer.



Seeing this desk at my house, I want to cringe. I'm transferring ebooks from my laptop to my IPAD with my Note on my left and the PC in front of me. I know this looks intense, but really I'm only blogging, transferring files and texting. This looks stupid.

Mitch taught me the concept of Dropbox and iCloud, but I wasn't listening. My fault. I texted him today to give me a crash course (again) later. I cannot work like this. I cannot be in this environment. I want to throw up.


January done.



Can you imagine? January is done. I tended to deny its closure a couple of days ago because it all went by so fast and it's crazy to think that I did not get things fully straighten out yet. A month long transition and supposed intense planning session should've been done. At least I should already have an idea of what to do for the entire year. The planning part DID start, but A LOT of things were already independently moving. I need to be really careful in incorporating my plans to have an overall better outcome as any career and nerve wracking moment might change my life forever. I'm afraid these changes and movements would make or break my year. 

Well I did vaguely plan out my entire year last January. I must admit that with unexpected movements some things were forced up on me and some things became a bit clearer. Since new career and life changing possibilities began to shower last January I had to keep up and adapt. I guess that's why things became so crazy and hectic. I was at the same time trying to inject and adjust my goals and plans to the present reality. It doesn't look clear and sound now, which irritates me. But I realized it's not something that needs to be forced. There's no good outcome if I get too overly consumed about things I cannot control. I just have to strive and learn how to benefit more. January may be over, but I still have 11 months left to achieve my goals, straighten things out and be productive. I guess the endless possibilities affect the planner in me.

Anyways, this year will happen whether I like it or not. No chance of just sitting and giving it all up. Certain things may be beyond my control, some of which will work against me, but I've nothing to do but forge on. Giving up this early in the game just because it became too crazy or tougher than expected is a bit weak and stupid. As long as the focus and goals are there, no matter what, I should be able to follow through. 

January is over and that month was one hell of a crazy ride. But I still know what I want and I might not have the perfect direction to get it, but it will be done despite the changes we experience. There's no use being too stressed about things. We always have to strike a balance, always. Blogging makes me release air and I hope those who have read this understands the complexity. I don't know how to achieve my goals yet, but I guess I pretty much know what they are. I have plans, but everything can still change and one thing we need to learn is to gracefully adapt. I am doing the best I can and this year may still represent a victory for me.